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Dreams of Downey, Jr.

At the start of this week's show, Ally is on a plane to Detroit to visit Larry (played by Robert Downey, Jr.). They haven't seen each other for six weeks, we learn. A nun gives her some pretty graphic sex advice on the plane. Then Ally, trying to open the plane's bathroom door, mistakenly exits the plane - and as she falls through the sky, sneakers flailing, we realize it's all a dream. (Wasn't that gambit already ancient when it was used in Dallas, or the Wizard of Oz?)

What's no dream, though, is that Ally wakes up from her dream next to gorgeous Jackson Duper (played by Taye Diggs) and checks out his . . . equipment, which, following the stereotype for African-American guys, is apparently massive, or at least big enough to justify Ally's amazed double-take. Ally then gets ejected from Renee's bedroom - by Renee - just about as quickly as she was ejected from the plane.

It only gets worse later in the show, as Ally kisses Jackson (supposedly believing he's Larry) and reaches for a remote control located conveniently beneath his groin (supposedly to turn off the TV in Renee's bedroom - yeah, right). Is she in denial? It seems it's really Jackson she may want, although she pines for Larry.

Jackson Attraction

Turns out that Renee is pretty embarrassed to have slept with Jackson on their first date; "I can't believe it!" she confides in Ally. Jackson says he can't believe it either, but with Ally's bossy, but well-meaning, help he and Renee make it past this initial embarrassment, and make another date.

Ling's jealousy is aroused a bit (Ling may be aroused a bit, too - after all, it is Taye Diggs!) when she hears Jackson and Renee are involved. And when Jackson and Renee perform a sexy duet at the piano bar the firm frequents, Ling is even more jealous. Poor Fish seems to dimly realize that - even despite his money - it's going to be pretty tough for him to compete.

No wonder Ling is jealous: Lisa Nicole Carson, playing Renee, looks beautiful and happy, and Jackson is adorable and attractive singing with her. They have chemistry anyone would envy. Eventually, Ling can't take it - the comparison to her relationship with the cold Fish is too blatant - so she leaves her seat to sulk, and to contemplate calling Jackson, though she never really does. Look for a serious Ling/Renee catfight in the next few episodes.

Another Annulment, Already?

"We're becoming a little niche firm in annulments," Fish comments this week at the firm's case meeting. He's telling us. The frequency of annulment cases on Ally McBeal is becoming extremely tiresome - and really just an excuse for the show to pry into weird marriages in the courtroom.

While I have nothing against prying into weird marriages, the implied weirdness never ends up being as funny or deep as it is billed to be. The previous annulment cases, about spouses who lied about their fake breasts, sexuality, and so on and so on, were tiresome when they were meant to be titillating. And this one's tiresome, too - though it's supposed to be much more serious than the rest, raising the important issue of spouses who disagree over whether or not they want children.

In this week's case, the client wants his marriage annulled because his wife doesn't want to have children. (He doesn't want a divorce because he's "loaded" and would have to pay mucho alimony.)

The opposition attorney, representing the wife, is played by Wallace Shawn - who's a lot more whiny, and a lot less charming, than in "My Dinner with Andre." Shawn makes an excellent point when examining the husband: Even the husband doesn't suggest that his wife never wanted kids, only that she changed her mind about kids during the marriage. Yet the grounds for an annulment, which voids a marriage by treating it as if it never existed, must exist at the time of the marriage ceremony.

For this reason, Shawn's point is devastating - as even Cage recognizes, worrying that "I might be losing."

Melanie, meanwhile, confesses to Cage that she doesn't want children either. (Anne Heche, with a new curly 'do, looks weirdly like Gretchen Mol as she delivers this crushing blow.) While he's still absorbing the shock of hearing this, Cage must return to court.

The wife, when she testifies, says she didn't want children because "I just didn't feel equipped to raise them. As an only child, I admit I was raised rather selfish. . . . I didn't think it would be fair to the children." Cage cleverly asks, "So for the good of the children, you decided not to give birth to them?" But the point he makes is ultimately a hollow one, a cheap sophism.

Cage also comments "[a]ny woman who doesn't want children has no business being a mother" - and this comment seems a disaster, sure to alienate any jury. I think we're meant to see that Cage, distracted by personal problems that mirror the annulment case, is losing his touch.

Indeed, Cage's comment seemed to me abusive enough to have provoked a reprimand from the judge but, oddly, it does not. But it does provide a response from Melanie - who has Tourette's, and is sitting in the back of the courtroom. She blurts out: "Pipsqueak." You go, girl. That's telling him.

Shawn gives a much more persuasive summation than Cage does - saying a women should, of course, "be free to change her mind about whether she wants to have a child." As a result, Cage leaves the courtroom in a sour mood - with trouble in the courtroom and at home.

After Cage confesses to Melanie that he sees a future with "a woman who neither believes in marriage nor in having children" as "bleak," Melanie walks out on him. Cage then seeks Ally's advice. Ally says she's sure Melanie will "come around," because "the idea of conceiving a being with someone you love is much more powerful than the abstract idea of having children."

Cage loses the case - and, weirdly, does so without any apparent recriminations from his wealthy, arrogant client. Then he moves on to fight with Melanie again. Cage points out to Melanie that she loves children and "when you say you don't want them, I don't believe you." Cage says that her reluctance to have children must mean that he isn't "the one."

But she replies "you could very well be the one, you could be the love of my life, and I would still walk away from you." She confesses that she was happily married years ago and walked away "because it's what I do."

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The only surprising thing in all this is why Melanie went out with Cage in the first place. If she's going to leave and break men's hearts eventually, maybe she should just adopt Elaine's old outlook and focus on having lots of one-night stands.

H-Ally-cinations

Meanwhile, Ally hallucinates that Fish is Larry - and fondles his face. Then she hallucinates falling down an elevator shaft. Then she ends up in therapy. Thank god; she's lucky not to be committed to a psych ward.

Ally's very businesslike therapist (not Tracey Ullman, sadly) says there is a problem with Ally's relationship with Larry and concludes, "It's a dead end. Do it today! End the relationship!" The therapist points out that relationships either go forwards or backwards, and this one has gone backwards: from a romantic courtship, to Larry's being in Detroit "with the mother of his child." The therapist certainly has a point.

Renee's advice is different, though; she thinks Ally should give Larry a chance. Then the doorbell rings and . . . it's Larry. Or, actually, it's not; it's Jackson - whom Ally kisses, believing he's Larry. Jackson's comment: "You got issues." Now that Ally's losing it, he's the only voice of common sense on the show.

Ally then consults another therapist - the one who therapized Fish and Cage on the last show and told them "Go to your women!" He's just as pessimistic as the last therapist, describing the nun in her dream as "a symbol of celibacy," and explaining the airplane dream as meaning that "You want to marry Larry Paul and have his children," but "[d]eep down, you know it'll never happen." That's why she fell out of the plane - get it? Sigmund Freud is alive and well and analyzing dreams on Ally McBeal.

Despite all the therapists' nay saying, at the end of the show Larry - at least it appears to be him

( it could also be a hallucination of him) - shows up. And he says he's back "forever; "I was hoping to move in."

Ally says, "I won't be able to take your leaving again," and he says he won't: "I told you before, I'm only at the beginning of loving you."

Like Melanie's, Larry's behavior seems pretty inexplicable: If he loved Ally and wants to be with her forever, why stay away without even a weekend visit for six weeks? A plane ticket to Detroit is not that expensive, nor are lawyers that busy. Besides, he could have gotten away from that creepy little litigious, guilt-inducing, Haley Joel Osment-imitating freak of a son.

Only the behavior of Ling and Renee makes sense on this show: They want Jackson, they lust for him, and they sleep with him. If he tells them his real name, the relationship continues. Case closed.

Our final montage this week features both those in love - Marc & Elaine, Ally & Larry, Renee & Jackson - and those who are lovelorn - Cage alone, Ling alone, and Melanie alone.

Pretty subtle, there. So love is . . . a good thing? And children are . . . a good thing? And being alone is . . . a bad thing?

I get it now.

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